*** The Tin Soldier is intended to be a humorous and entertaining look at issues and events at the University of Waterloo. As such articles should not be taken to represent real events or opinions, and they should not be associated with the University of Waterloo staff or administration in any way. Any similarities to real world events, people or corporations is purely coincidental – or non-coincidental but meant in an entirely joking manner.***
Among other issues, construction has been slowed by the fact that the site is located on the site of an ancient native burial ground. This has required that the construction crews work around groups of archeologists trying to preserve what they call “spectacular anthropological discoveries”. But, according to one of the backhoe operators, most of the delays have come from issues dealing with the spirits who are being displaced by the construction. She claims that, “the spirits themselves aren’t a big deal. They just knock things over and make a mess. The real issue is that [the foreman] has decided that they need to be dealt with, and he has spent an excessive amount of time trying to get rid of them.” Among other schemes the workers have employed to convince the spirits to relocate, they have: hired some of the most famous mediums in North America to negotiate with the spirits, used strong neodymium magnets in an attempt to repel them, played heavy metal to scare them away, and sacrificed goats to send the ghosts to their rest.
The incompleteness of the building means that there will be insufficient space for the science faculty to house all of their students. However, the university has come up with what it thinks is a fair solution: students may transfer into other faculties such as math or engineering, or they can take the courses they desire at the Kitchener satellite campus. Some students have taken to the streets, saying that they are “annoyed, bombed-out, cross, disgusted, enraged, flabbergasted, greatly inconvenienced, hateful of the policy, irritated, jammed-up with sadness, kerfuffled, livid, mad, near the end of their wits, opposed to the plan, primarily concerned about the quality of their studies, queued up to share their dissatisfaction with the contractor, rightly enraged, stunned, troubled, understanding of the contractor’s predicament, very unhappy with the predicament, wishing they had gone to Laurier, Xenon-level nonreactive in their stance towards the situation, yet again feeling let down, and Zinc-galvanized against the corrosive environment they were being put in.”
However, as one insightful student pointed out, “It’s not like anyone was going to go to class anyways.”
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