E5 Grand Opening Delayed

Write O'holic - 2B Fermentation
Posted on: July 21, 2010

As anticipation builds for the official opening of E5, nothing has officially been released regarding the specific date on which the building will be opened for general student use. As a secret source has revealed to The Tin Soldier, the opening of the building is currently delayed indefinitely. The reason: the building itself cannot be opened. Literally.

Due to extreme time constraints set in place by government grants that were used to fund the construction of the building, a tight deadline was placed on the completion of E5 so as to remain eligible to receive the funding it so desperately needs. As a result the building was constructed using a ‘design-build’ method of construction, where the building was essentially designed as it was being built. Although this resulted in some positive results, such as the open concept of the building and the diverse capabilities of the seminar rooms, it also resulted in some epic failures.

The most distinct shortcoming is the fact that students will not be able to access the building due to the fact that the construction crew forgot to install exterior doors to the building. This coupled with the fact that the entire building is clad with 2” thick bulletproof plexiglass (which seemed like a great idea at the time) has made the building impossible to enter. As the deadline for the building’s completion draws nearer, the construction crew has decided against attempts to change the building to make it more accessible as it would result in the loss of government funding. Instead, E5 will be changed from a functional building to an over-sized statue that will help improve the image of campus. As WEEF will still be required to make payments on the building, unfinished portions of the exterior will be covered with WEEF stickers so as to minimize decorating costs.