PAY ATTENTION! Doug Ford sends Ontario back in time 20 years, but he’s not saving anyone.

Gabrielle Klemt - 3A Geological
Posted on: July 18, 2018

I just wrote an article praising Health Minister Christine Elliot’s changes to OHIP+. But let’s be real, that was a fluff piece. What I need to do now is bring your attention to something more important. Last week Doug Ford rolled back Ontario’s sex-ed curriculum to where it was in 1998. That’s twenty freaking years […]

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Listen up students! These changes will affect you.

Gabrielle Klemt - 3A Geological

The new PC government has been in power for less than a month, but changes to the province have been coming thick and fast. One major change that has come about is to OHIP+, a service many students found exciting when it was unveiled in January. In case you somehow missed it, OHIP+ is a […]

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Cars 2

Ashley Clark - VP Student Life

This is Agent Leland Turbo. I have a flash transmission for Agent Finn McMissile. Finn, my cover’s been compromised. Everything’s gone pear-shaped. You won’t believe what I found out here. This is bigger than anything we’ve ever seen, and no one even knows it exists. Finn, I need backup, but don’t call the cavalry, it […]

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Cars

Katie Arnold - President

[Inhaling and exhaling deeply] [Male] OK… Here we go. Focus. Speed. I am speed. [Cars whizzing past] One winner, 42 losers. I eat losers for breakfast. [Car accelerating] Breakfast. Wait, maybe I should have had breakfast. A little breck-y could be good for me. No, no, no, stay focused. Speed. [Cars whizzing] I’m faster than […]

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Fire and Rescue

Liam Yeates - VP Finance

Look at them go! Into the final lap. And here comes number seven… Dusty Crophopp?! And Dusty wins the gold! Go, Duster! Dusty, you were just a small-town crop duster who overcame impossible odds to win the Wings Around the Globe Rally. And now, you’re an air racing legend. Well, Brent’ I’ve had an amazing […]

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I am Speed – Ok Here we Go

Benjamin Beelen - VP Academic

Focus. Speed. I am speed. One winner, 42 losers. I eat losers for breakfast. Breakfast. Wait, maybe I should have had breakfast. A little breck-y could be good for me. No, no, no, stay focused. Speed. I’m faster than fast. Quicker than quick. I am lightning! Hey, Lightning! You ready? Oh, yeah. Lightning’s ready. Get […]

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Fly With Passion – Fly with Grace

Grant Mitchell - VP Communications

Ladies and gentleplanes. May we have your attention, please? Kindly direct your windscreens to the heavens above and give a warm welcome  to our special guest.The Prince of Propellers. When he’s speeding, he’s leading. Get my good side, fellas. When he’s grinning, he’s winning.  The one and only – Ripslinger! – (CROWD CHEERING) You’re caught […]

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World Cupdates 3 – Round of 16

Hasan Ahmed - Editor-in-Chief

The round of 16 was yet another unpredictable set of events that kept fans around the world on their feet. It began with a 4-3 French victory over Argentina, knocking Messi and his team out of the tournament. After a brilliant showing against Nigeria and impressive goal by Marcos Rojo, the Argentinians were knocked out […]

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I Did It! *High Fives Mirror*

Hasan Ahmed - Editor-in-Chief

Here it is, the last issue of the Iron Warrior. First, I want to apologize for an error on the second page of last issue. I left the Winter publication schedule on the bottom, since I was editing an old copy of the Winter issue for formatting reasons. My thanks for this issue go out […]

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Mary Robinson Wins S2018 Teaching Excellence Award! – An Interview and Overview of this Excellent Instructor

Benjamin Beelen - VP Academic

The Teaching Excellence Award is awarded to an excellent instructor every semester. They are selected through a nomination period by a committee composed of both VP Academics, two at large council elected members and a representative from the Associate Dean, Teaching. The winning instructor’s nomination(s) must indicated that the instructor has contributed significantly to at […]

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Prof. Personalities – Martin Pei

Aaron Propp - 2B Computer

How long have you been teaching at Waterloo? My first teaching job was in 2008. I was teaching on and off until 2011. I’ve done full-time teaching since then. Full-time teaching 7 or 8 years. What courses do you teach? There’s a linear algebra course. There’s some algebra courses, some combinatorics courses, some discrete math […]

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The perks of Catcalling – How to impress a girl

Samridhi Sharma - 3A Chemical

Have you ever been in a situation where you really like a girl but don’t know how to approach her? Do you have the social awkwardness of a person who hates one-on-one encounters but can easily yell their thoughts to the world – in which case I suggest joining a debate team. Do you have […]

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PCP Tin soldier python

Monty - 2B Software

#Python is better : a PCP import C_is_dumb import numpy import antigravity # see how many libraries I can import # now everything’s already defined for me print(“I don’t need a \n at the end of this”) # can do web based programming # i mean django is such a cool name $ django-admin startproject […]

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50 Shades of Red

E. L. - 3A Health Studies

The perks of engineering are two-fold, most engineers find as they sit on their computer trying to code. The first perk, Engineer found, is that when you understand the material, the code runs on only the first try – after having failed only a hundred times before. The second “perk” protrudes from his pants, jumping […]

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PCP – C (Tin Soldier)

Aaron Propp - 2B Computer

#include <cpython.h> #include <cython.h> #include <stdio.h> #include <stdlib.h> int main(void) { printf(“Notice the spacing is slightly off and the compiler isn’t upset.\n”); /*my apologies it’s an interpreted language.*/ if(language == python) { printf(“Is python actually a language? It just binds to C anyways.\n”); } else if (language == C) { printf(“Who needs these abstractions anyways.\n”); […]

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Trump Satire

Aaron Propp - 2B Computer

Cucumber farmers – they’re under attack. I tell Justin, Justin what do you have against American cucumbers? You know what he says – pretty boy Justin, I loved his father, great man, terrific man – I’m banning Heinz ketchup. I feel bad for Canadians – great nation, love their polar bears, even better than the […]

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WANTED: New Waterloo Mascot to Replace Condom-themed Branding

uhh - pun

Dear students, It has recently come to the attention of the university that there exists a condom brand, Trojan Condoms, which displays similar vital characteristics to the Waterloo Warrior. Although our mighty warrior is always safe, the University feels the image association with a contraceptive brand is less than ideal. It has also contacted the […]

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The truth about Meghan Markle’s Social-Climbing Status

Granny Smith - Chemical '61

It’s been exactly 368900 minutes since Meghan and Harry tied the knot and I simply cannot keep quiet any longer. You see, like many from across the commonwealth I tuned in to watch a beautiful ceremony about love and devotion and joining yourself to someone for life afrknl gaeroigrga’g  [efiwopgjiAGKL[ Oh my good gracious! Fluffers […]

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Colonization 2 – What would really happen?

Chris Columbus II - 4A Geography

Space: The Final Frontier, and that means a whole area of the universe we haven’t explored. Some of us dream of the day we conquer Mars, but I’m thinking of a more interesting future; one where there’s intelligent life we can share information with. However, movies portray these life forms inaccurately, as monsters who invade […]

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Drake’s Hot Scorpion

Ghost Writer - 1B Music

In an interesting turn of events, after Drake’s hot new double album dropped last month, listeners were not so pleased. This long, somewhat boring album called Scorpion, left listeners scrounging for refuge in pop hits and people have reportedly listened to Bohemian Rhapsody on repeat, just to prove that length was not the issue with […]

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